Heaven and Hell

HEAVEN AND HELL
>
> While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit
>by a car and died.
>
> His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
>
> "Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
>is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're
>not sure what to do with you."
>
> "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..
>
> "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is
>have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
>eternity."
>
> "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
>
> "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
>
> And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
>down to hell.
>
> The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In
>the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and
>other politicians who had worked with him.
>
> Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his
>hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense
>of the people.

> They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the
>finest champagne.
>
> Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having
>a good time dancing and telling jokes.
>
> They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it
>is time to go.
>
> Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
>
> The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter
>is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.."
>
> So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving
>from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before
>he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
>
> "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your
>eternity."
>
> The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have
>said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better
>off in hell."
>
> So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..
>
> Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
>covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking
>up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
>
> The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
>
> "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
>was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne,
>and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and
>my friends look miserable. What happened?"
>
> The devil smiles at him and
>says,
>
>
> "Yesterday we were campaigning ...
>
> Today, you voted.."
>
> Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

40 Years of Marriage

40 Years of Marriage

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, For being such an exemplary married couple and for loving each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.

The wife answered, Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - Two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will ever come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

The wife and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof! The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female!

Dems Come Alive! ...a follow-up from Michael Moore

Dems Come Alive! ...a follow-up from Michael Moore

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

Friends,

Ok! We're halfway through the week and we're off to a great start. Last week I gave the spineless Dems five friendly suggestions for things they could do on the off chance they were interested in winning the midterm elections on November 2nd:

1. Deliver a blunt, nonstop reminder to the American people about exactly who it was that got us into the mess we're in.

2. Declare a moratorium on home foreclosures.

3. Prosecute the banks and Wall Street for the Crime of the Century.

4. Create a 21st century WPA (hire the unemployed to rebuild America).

5. Pledge that no Dem will take a dime from Wall Street in the next election cycle.

So how are we doing 5 days later? Not bad! It turns out that at least some of these ideas were so simple even elected Democrats could come up with them!

1. Dems have started running tough, killer ads that have balls and SAY WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID. Check these out:

In the California Senate race, Barbara Boxer is going after Carly Fiorina on the outsourcing Fiorina did as CEO of HP.

Rep. Tim Bishop of Long Island, New York hits his GOP opponent Randy Altschuler on how HIS business sent jobs overseas.

Richard Blumenthal half-nelsons his Connecticut Senate opponent (and former WWE CEO) Linda McMahon who said we should consider cutting the minimum wage and then lied about having said it.

Jeez, it's like they wanna win! More of these, please -- NOW!

2. Foreclosure Moratorium fever among the Dems has amazingly swept the nation in the last week!

Democratic Attorneys General all over the country are now demanding moratoriums for their states: California (Jerry Brown, now running for Governor), Connecticut (Richard Blumenthal, now running for Senate), Delaware (Joe Biden's son Beau), Massachusetts (Martha Coakley, who probably wished she'd done this earlier since she lost the special Senate race in January to Scott Brown), Illinois (Lisa Madigan), Texas (Greg Abbott -- a Republican!) and Colorado (John Suthers -- another Republican!). And so is Maryland Governor Martin O'Malley (at the urging of Rep. Ellijah Cummings, who you may remember from 'Capitalism: A Love Story').

Meanwhile, the Attorneys General of Iowa, Ohio and North Carolina are opening probes into the mortgage industry. And the banks are feeling the heat -- GMAC, JPMorgan Chase and Bank of America have already suspended foreclosures in 23 states (with Detroit's Rep. John Conyers, chairman of the Judiciary Committee, calling on them to extend it to Michigan and the rest of the U.S.).

Wells Fargo? Citibank? Are you paying attention? Now's the time to do something good so you can later mention it to the sentencing judge.

Rep. Gabrelle Giffords of Arizona has called for a nationwide foreclosure moratorium, and Sen. Robert Menendez of New Jersey says that may be necessary.

And it goes on and on. Check the special section on my website that I'm updating every day as more and more Democratic officials announce they will no longer allow banks to kick families out of their homes.

3. Prosecute the bastards! Looks like that's what they're maybe finally going to do. Check out this stunning letter sent to Attorney General Holder yesterday by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and 30 other members of congress (PDF):

"...we urge you and your respective agencies to investigate possible violations of law or regulations by financial institutions in their handling of delinquent mortgages, mortgage modifications, and foreclosures. ... The excuses we have heard from financial institutions are simply not credible three years into this crisis. ... It is time that banks are held accountable for their practices that have left too many homeowners without real help."

According to the New York Times, banks will likely face a "wide range of government investigations" for years. Judges may ask for them to be indicted for perjury or obstruction of justice. The Justice Department could prosecute banks for mail and wire fraud, or for making false statements to the government. And the SEC could open civil investigations.

Now we need to hear the Justice Department announce their investigation.

And look -- Larry Summers is gone. Great move! The people's advocate, Elizabeth Warren, is in -- genius move! If that's the direction Obama is now heading in, then these bankers may be shaking in their Salvatore Ferragamos.

So, not a bad start, Democrats (20 months late)! Just four weeks to go and I'm feeling that maybe, just maybe, we may prevent the All Souls Day Massacre. The pundits, who are essentially tools for the Corporate States of America, may have to eat a lot of crow. And if the Dems escape death's door, they had better not let this nonsense happen again.

So, President Obama and Congress, let's get busy on ideas #4 (WPA jobs) and #5 (pledge to take no further campaign money from Goldman and their friends).

C'mon everybody -- there's at least 3 million of you reading this (including the 700,000 of you who are my Twitter followers and my 300,000+ close Facebook friends). Let's pressure the Dems to quit cowering and kick some butt -- NOW!

Tell them it's easy and to repeat after us:

* Stop the foreclosures!
* Prosecute the banks and Wall Street and war profiteer corps!
* Remind the public 24/7 who created the mess!
* Announce a real jobs program!
* Promise not to take Wall Street's dirty money!
* Win the election!

Simple!

Do it!

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
MichaelMoore.com

P.S. On a different subject... One of the most moving, hopeful and powerful documentaries I've seen this year (or any year) opens at the Quad in NYC on Friday. It's called, "Budrus," and it's about a town by that name in the West Bank. The Palestinians in that town (and many of their Israeli neighbors on the other side of the Wall that's being constructed) come up with a way to totally undo the Israeli Defense Forces: pledge to defeat the occupiers by never firing a bullet, never throwing a stone, never causing any harm to their Jewish brothers and sisters. Whoa! What happens next is so effed up, so incredible, you have to see this movie to believe it. The film is brilliant. It won the top Founders Prize for nonfiction film at my film festival this summer. It will soon be coming to other cities. Do not miss it!!!

Five Ways the Democrats Can Avoid a Catastrophe and Pull Off the Mother of All Upsets

Five Ways the Democrats Can Avoid a Catastrophe and Pull Off the Mother of All Upsets

Friday, October 1st, 2010

Friends,

The election is one month from tomorrow and, yes, it looks hopeless. November 2nd -- the day the Dems are expected to crash and burn.

Sadly, it's a situation the Democrats have brought upon themselves -- even though the majority of them didn't create the mess we're in. But they've had over a year and a half to start getting the job done to fix it. Instead, they've run scared ever since they took power. To many, the shellacking they're about to receive is one they deserve.

But if you're of a mindset that believes a return to 2001-2008 would be sheer insanity, then you probably agree we've got no choice but to save the Democrats from themselves.

Memo To: President Obama and the Democratic Party Leadership

From: Michael Moore

Subject: 5 Things Dems Can Do to Turn It Around by November 2nd

1. Immediate Wall-to-Wall TV Ads, Internet Videos, and Appearances Hammering Who the Hell Put Us in the Misery We're In.
We Americans have very short attention spans (Quick: Who Won the Oscar for Best Picture last year? The World Series? Exactly.). People need to be reminded over and over that it was the REPUBLICANS who concocted and led the unnecessary invasion of two countries, putting us in our longest war ever, wars that will eventually cost us over $3 trillion. Bush and Co. also caused the biggest collapse of our economy since the Great Depression. I don't know a single person in Hollywood who wouldn't shoot and produce those spots for you for FREE. Dems: Do not pull a single punch on this. Quit being a bunch of wusses and let the bastards have it! The public will be astonished that you've found your courage and your spine. We expect you to be Muhammad Ali, not Ally McBeal.

2. Indict the Criminals.
Announce that the Justice Department will seek indictments against both those who caused the economic collapse and those who became war profiteers. Call it for what it is: organized crime. Use the RICO statutes. Use the basic laws that make fraud of any kind a crime. Get in the face of those who stole the billions, make them pay for it -- and the people will love you. We want Dirty Harry, not Dirty Dancing.

3. Announce a Moratorium on All Family Home Foreclosures.
Last month (August) there were more home foreclosures than in any month in U.S. history. Worse than any month in the worst year ever, 2009. The bleeding hasn't stopped -- it's only gotten worse. And now, this week, two of the largest crime organizations who are throwing hundreds of thousands of people out of their homes (GMAC and JPMorgan Chase) have been forced to momentarily stop doing this. It turns out, they don't really have the paperwork to prove they actually own these houses! It's madness. So if you do one thing for the middle class this week, do this. It will take an hour of your time to draw up the decree and issue it. We'd rather watch "It's a Wonderful Life" than "Poltergeist."

4. Announce a New 21st Century WPA.
"Who's hiring? THE GOVERNMENT IS HIRING!" Put together a simple plan to hire enough people to repair our roads, fix up our aging schools, and rebuild our infrastructure. Fund this by taxing the richest 1% who have more financial wealth than 95% of Americans combined! Unemployment will drop to 5%. Can you pass it? Well, you sure can't unless you try! And as you're trying, announce that you will force the Republican senators (who until now simply have had to say they "intended" to filibuster in order to kill a bill) to have to actually filibuster! Make them stand on the floor of the Senate and read from the phone book 24/7. They won't last a day. And America will see them for who they really are.

5. Declare That No Democrat Will Accept ANY Wall Street Money in the Next Election Cycle.
Pick a day in the coming week. Have all your fellow Democrats in Congress stand in front of the Capitol (with President Obama) and pledge that if America allows you to retain control of Congress, none of you will take a penny from Wall Street for the 2012 election. Instead, promise to accept donations of only $2, $5 and $10. You will also pledge not to take a job as a lobbyist or lawyer for ANY corporation for ten years after you leave Congress. The message will be a powerful one to the average American fed up with corrupt political hacks. Act like Honest Abe, not Fast Freddie -- and see what happens.

And here are two bonus suggestions: Use what sense of humor you have and go after these candidates and their agenda with all the hilarious ridicule they deserve. And quit complaining about "the base" not doing enough to help you. You want help? Do something this week to earn it. I've offered five suggestions. I'm sure the rest of "the base" has a few more.

Yours,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
MichaelMoore.com

Tony Blair admitted that it was never about 9/11

I must say, I was shocked this evening to see him admit this. Wolf Blitzer was too... he made him repeat it. I was literally amazed at his rationalization for going to war in Iraq. Truly an abomination. Incredible.

How to handle office conflicts.

How to handle office conflicts.

Obama Will Triumph -- So Will America By Frank Schaeffer

FRANK SCHAEFFER

Frank Schaeffer is a New York Times best selling author.

Obama Will Triumph -- So Will America
By Frank Schaeffer

Before he'd served even one year President Obama lost the support
of the easily distracted left and engendered the white hot rage of
the hate-filled right. But some of us, from all walks of life and
ideological backgrounds -- including this white, straight, 57-year-
old, former religious right wing agitator, now progressive writer
and (given my background as the son of a famous evangelical leader)
this unlikely Obama supporter -- are sticking with our President.
Why?-- because he is succeeding.

We faithful Obama supporters still trust our initial impression of
him as a great, good and uniquely qualified man to lead us.

Obama's steady supporters will be proved right. Obama's critics
will be remembered as easily panicked and prematurely discouraged
at best and shriveled hate mongers at worst.

The Context of the Obama Presidency

Not since the days of the rise of fascism in Europe , the Second
World War and the Depression has any president faced more
adversity. Not since the Civil War has any president led a more
bitterly divided country. Not since the introduction of racial
integration has any president faced a more consistently short-
sighted and willfully ignorant opposition - from both the right
and left.

As the President's poll numbers have fallen so has his support from
some on the left that were hailing him as a Messiah not long ago;
all those lefty websites and commentators that were falling all
over themselves on behalf of our first black president during the
2008 election.

The left's lack of faith has become a self-fulfilling "prophecy"--
snipe at the President and then watch the poll numbers fall and
then pretend you didn't have anything to do with it!

Here is what Obama faced when he took office-- none of which was
his fault:

# An ideologically divided country to the point that America was
really two countries

# Two wars; one that was mishandled from the start, the other that
was unnecessary and immoral

# The worst economic crisis since the depression

# America 's standing in the world at the lowest point in history

# A country that had been misled into accepting the use of torture
of prisoners of war

# A health care system in free fall

# An educational system in free fall

# A global environmental crisis of history-altering proportions
(about which the Bush administration and the Republicans had done
nothing)

# An impasse between culture warriors from the right and left

# A huge financial deficit inherited from the terminally
irresponsible Bush administration.

And those were only some of the problems sitting on the
President's desk!

"Help" from the Right?

What did the Republicans and the religious right, libertarians and
half-baked conspiracy theorists -- that is what the Republicans
were reduced to by the time Obama took office -- do to "help" our
new president (and our country) succeed? They claimed that he
wasn't a real American, didn't have an American birth certificate,
wasn't born here, was secretly a Muslim, was white-hating "racist",
was secretly a communist, was actually the Anti-Christ, (!) and was
a reincarnation of Hitler and wanted "death panels" to kill the
elderly!

They not-so-subtly called for his assassination through the not-so-
subtle use of vile signs held at their rallies and even a bumper
sticker quoting Psalm 109:8. They organized "tea parties" to sound
off against imagined insults and all government in general and
gathered to howl at the moon. They were led by insurance industry
lobbyists and deranged (but well financed) "commentators" from
Glenn Beck to Rush Limbaugh.

The utterly discredited Roman Catholic bishops teamed up with the
utterly discredited evangelical leaders to denounce a president who
was trying to actually do something about the poor, the
environment, to diminish the number of abortions through
compassionate programs to help women and to care for the sick! And
in Congress the Republican leadership only knew one word: "No!"

In other words the reactionary white, rube, uneducated, crazy
American far right,combined with the educated but obtuse
neoconservative war mongers, religious right shills for big
business, libertarian Fed Reserve-hating gold bug, gun-loving
crazies, child-molesting acquiescent "bishops", frontier loons and
evangelical gay-hating flakes found one thing to briefly unite
them: their desire to stop an uppity black man from succeeding at
all costs!

"Help" from the Left?

What did the left do to help their newly elected president? Some of
them excoriated the President because they disagreed with the bad
choices he was being forced to make regarding a war in Afghanistan
that he'd inherited from the worst president in modern history!

Others stood up and bravely proclaimed that the President's
economic policies had "failed" before the President even instituted
them! Others said that since all gay rights battles had not been
fully won within virtually minutes of the President taking office,
they'd been "betrayed"! (Never mind that Obama's vocal support to
the gay community is stronger than any other president's has been.
Never mind that he signed a new hate crimes law!)

Those that had stood in transfixed legions weeping with beatific
emotion on election night turned into an angry mob saying how
"disappointed" they were that they'd not all immediately been
translated to heaven the moment Obama stepped into the White House!
Where was the "change"? Contrary to their expectations they were
still mere mortals!

And the legion of young new supporters was too busy texting to pay
attention for longer than a nanosecond. "Governing"?! What the hell
does that word, uh, like mean?"

The President's critics left and right all had one thing in common:
impatience laced with little-to-no sense of history (let alone
reality) thrown in for good measure. Then of course there were the
white, snide know-it-all commentators/talking heads who just
couldn't imagine that maybe, just maybe they weren't as smart as
they thought they were and certainly not as smart as their
president. He hadn't consulted them, had he? So he must be wrong!

The Obama critics' ideological ideas defined their idea of reality
rather than reality defining their ideas-say, about what is
possible in one year in office after the hand that the President
had been dealt by fate, or to be exact by the American idiot nation
that voted Bush into office. twice!

Meanwhile back in the reality-based community - in just 12 short
months -- President Obama:

#Continued to draw down the misbegotten war in Iraq
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Thoughtfully and decisively picked the best of several bad choices
regarding the war in Afghanistan
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Gave a major precedent-setting speech supporting gay rights
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Restored America 's image around the globe
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Banned torture of American prisoners
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Stopped the free fall of the American economy
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Put the USA squarely back in the bilateral international community
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Put the USA squarely into the middle of the international effort
to halt global warming
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Stood up for educational reform
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Won a Nobel peace prize
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Moved the trial of terrorists back into the American judicial
system of checks and balances
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Did what had to be done to start the slow, torturous and almost
impossible process of health care reform that 7 presidents had
failed to even begin
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Responded to hatred from the right and left with measured good
humor and patience
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Stopped the free fall of job losses
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Showed immense personal courage in the face of an armed and
dangerous far right opposition that included the sort of disgusting
people that show up at public meetings carrying loaded weapons and
carrying Timothy McVeigh-inspired signs about the "blood of
tyrants" needing to "water the tree of liberty".
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

#Showed that he could not only make the tough military choices but
explain and defend them brilliantly
(But that wasn't good enough for his critics)

Other than those "disappointing" accomplishments -- IN ONE YEAR --
President Obama "failed"! Other than that he didn't "live up to
expectations"!

Who actually has failed...

...are the Americans that can't see the beginning of a miracle of
national rebirth right under their jaded noses. Who failed are the
smart ass ideologues of the left and right who began rooting for
this President to fail so that they could be proved right in their
dire and morbid predictions. Who failed are the movers and shakers
behind our obscenely dumb news cycles that have turned "news" into
just more stupid entertainment for an entertainment-besotted
infantile country.

Here's the good news: President Obama is succeeding without the
help of his lefty "supporters" or hate-filled Republican detractors!

The Future Looks Good

After Obama has served two full terms, (and he will), after his
wisdom in moving deliberately and cautiously with great subtlety on
all fronts -- with a canny and calculating eye to the possible
succeeds, (it will), after the economy is booming and new industries
are burgeoning, (they will be), after the doomsayers are all proved
not just wrong but silly: let the record show that not all
Americans were panicked into thinking the sky was falling.

Just because we didn't get everything we wanted in the first short
and fraught year Obama was in office not all of us gave up. Some of
us stayed the course. And we will be proved right.

PS. if you agree that Obama is shaping up to be a great president,
please pass this on and hang in there! Pass it on anyway to ensure
that his "report card" gets the attention it deserves.

This explains everything...

On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed......


On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."


The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"

And God agreed......



On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?"

And God agreed again......


On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."

But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.

Spread the Stupidity

Spread the Stupidity

Only in America .......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

---

Only in America .....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

---

Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

---

Only in America .......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

---

Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

---

Only in America .....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

---

Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?

---

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

---

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

---

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

---

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

---

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

---

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

---

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

---

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

---

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

---

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

---

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

---

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

---

I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

---

If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?

---

(I've seen this before.... chuckled again :)

Workforce change...

Has anyone noticed that commercials show adults and seniors as grocery store clerks, walmart employees, fast food employees, etc? Wow!

It used to be a teenagers after school or summer job mostly...

This is really a sad trend in our society because no one can own a home on that kind of salary.

Signs

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit, please back in."

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for,
you've come to the right place."

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**************************

On a Church's Billboard:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************

In a Non-smoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

**************************

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet -
miss a car payment."

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment

However, if you don't, you will be."

**************************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry;
come on in and get fed up."

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

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And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

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Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:

"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"