FTPs we are! Grateful and Blessed

 3/6/2005

I checked out of the Grand Canyon hotel and sat in the Maswick Lodge cafeteria eating half  of the salad I bought, thinking that I'd save the rest for later. I was reading the book I had just purchased... Over the Edge: Death in the Canyon. A guide who worked in the park told me to read it before I went on the Mule tour. I decided against that because I figured it might make me chicken out. 

As I sat there reading, I began to think, if I had courage enough, and enough faith to take a risky trip down into the canyon riding a mule, and have survived it... I am meant to be here! Thank you Lord! Granted, I shouldn't need to do something so drastic for confirmation! LOL!

I feel that I shouldn't preoccupy myself with worry about my job as I sat in reflection. I knew that I must keep that in mind. I felt sad that I actually thought, if I should tumble over and die at the canyon, at least I would be relieved of worry about how I am going to live once the job ends, which was a real possibility. Ahhhh the uncertainty. It's maddening. But for the courage to go through with this tour, and surviving the thrill and terror of it, I know I am blessed. At Plateau Point I even tripped stepping over a crevasse toward a cliff that dropped a couple thousand feet. I scared everyone. I didn't realize how unsteady I would be with the spacial strangeness of being at Plateau Point.  After that happened, I was glad to get back on the mule. 

I felt blessed and motivated! I felt optimistic and looked forward to the future. 

While at Bright Angel Lodge, I sat there, and looked out at the vast and spectacular view of the canyon. It was amazing to know that it was once an ocean. All the hues from the sun... I sat there realized how grateful, appreciative and blessed I am. It was truly beautiful and serene. 

My plan was to head over to the pool and swim a few laps and then soak in the whirlpool because my body ached from my hair ends to the tips of my toenails. I hate when I begin to over think, but I couldn't help but think about the fact that I had seen maybe 6 other Black people the entire time so far. The plight of being Black in the USA keeps me on guard and although I felt no threat, I still thought about 1968 when my parents took us to Miami Beach, FL, and all the white folks left the pool when we got in. Oh well. I decided to head to the pool anyway. 

As suspected, I was the only Black person there and the whirlpool was full. I'm kind of creeped out by the idea of being in a public hot tub anyway, so I decided against that. Man! I was really looking forward to relaxing my muscles in that warm water.

I did get in the pool which I feel is almost just as nasty crowded with people and their kids. I told myself that it's a bigger body of water so the germs are dispersed more LOL! The pool was huge though, and I figured it was big enough for me to be ignored. I found space on the far wall of the pool and swam a few laps... got out and felt good! Mission accomplished! A woman sitting on the side of the pool said "Wow. You really got your exercise". 

Later, another annoying thing I thought about was that I wanted to bring my Death in the Canyon book with me to dinner, but then realized I wanted to stop in the gift shop after dinner. I worried that I'd be accused of stealing my book. I decided I better carry my receipt. Then I thought about the book mark I bought, and that I need to find that receipt as well, and as I started looking for it in my room, I got disgusted about it and changed my mind about bringing the book to dinner with me. I brought one of my magazines instead. Ugh! Being Black in the USA means being born under a cloud of suspicion.