Struck Pt 15 Desperate Measures

Struck Pt 14 Out Again

Struck Part 13 No Focus

Struck Pt 12 Found a Job

Struck Pt 11 Tread Lightly

Struck Pt 10 Exhausted

Struck Pt 9 Disability Goals

Struck Pt 8 Upside Backwards

Struck Pt 7 Foundation of Lies

Struck Pt 6 Who's Fault

Struck Pt 5 Broke Busted Disgusted

 Struck By Lightning Part 4 - Jack of All Trades

 Struck By Lightning Part 3 - Survival Instincts

Struck By Lightning Part 2 - Parasites

The last straw is broken. Anger, desperation, exhaustion lead to a new direction.

 

Struck By Lightning Part 1 - Arrested Development

Greg and Sheila end up in a relationship with motives that lead to madness and insanity. Sheila yearns to present herself as a married woman, while Greg just wants to survive.

Struck By Lightning - A reading and Discussion

 We're taking a deep dive into relationships starting with a reading of Struck By Lightning. Let's discuss stronger together solutions, encouragement of strong connections, long term goals, meeting people who are where we want to be in life, and more.

Welcome to Come Up For Air

FTPs we are! Birthday 2005

 (The tremendous loss of my mother in 2004 and my father being seriously ill in 2005 leads me to understand my monumental stress, with the looming loss of my job on top of it all. What a blessing it was to be able to take this vacation adventure).

3/7/2005

Here I sit on my birthday, in Phoenix airport with a 5 hour layover. It couldn't be avoided because of the timing  with Open Road Tours shuttle from Williams, AZ. So I'm writing and reflecting....

I rode from Williams sitting near an 81 year old Jewish woman named Rhoda. I know her name because the driver asked both of us our names, and he repeated our names a few times which is probably his practice to remember.  She had visited her daughter who works at the Grand Canyon and has been there for over 22 years. Rhoda said that her daughter owns a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom trailer at the Grand Canyon. I asked Rhoda what kind of work her daughter does, and how does she manage the isolation of such an unpopulated place. She said that after her daughter graduated from college, she got a job in advertising. She developed gall stones and eventually lost her job for being out sick a lot. Someone came to their town in Michigan promoting job opportunities at the Grand Canyon, and she went to a seminar about it. she filled out an application, and got hired.

She started out as a maid, then bellhop, then desk clerk and made it all the way to her current job of reservationist. I was intrigued by this. I asked Rhoda what her daughter does for vacations. I let her know that I am currently looking for a new career and open  to all kinds of possibilities.

Rhoda very nonchalantly said, that her daughter couldn't go anywhere because she's too big. Then she rambled on about her visit and I continued to listen, and was silently stunned. She said that she and her daughter ate dinner in the Arizona Room and how her daughter eats free as a park employee. Rhoda said that she and her family had been visiting the Grand Canyon for over 50 years. She said was afraid of the canyon and would not go near the edge. She told me how her father told them they should travel and learn all about the USA instead of going abroad. I told her that since I mostly travel alone for work and pleasure, I have hesitated to travel abroad. 

As our conversation went on, I pulled a photo of myself out of my purse to show her how big I was at my heaviest weight. Rhoda was astonished and then said that her daughter is way bigger than I was in that photo, and that she's over 400 lbs. She said she can't even discuss weight loss with her daughter because she gets very angry. Rhoda said that her daughter is hiding from society at the Grand Canyon, and that made me feel sad for her. 

I told Rhoda that I can totally identify with her daughter's anger, and she probably feels helpless in that regard. I let her know that I had bariatric surgery and that if she committed herself to letting it work for her, it is a life changing operation. Rhoda said she was going to try and get her nephew to suggest it to her.

What really killed me, and inspired me to write, is how Rhoda said her daughter is messy so she has never been to her daughter's trailer. Also, she said that her daughter came to her room and asked what they should do for lunch. Rhoda suggested that they go to the Maswik Cafeteria and they could walk together. Rhoda said her daughter told her to pick up a box lunch for her. She let her 81 year old mother walk to the Maswik Cafeteria and carry food back to her room for the daughter to eat. Rhoda said she struggled to bring the food back to her room because she walks with a cane for support. She said once they finished eating lunch, they talked for a while. Then her daughter asked what are they going to do for dinner.

I just shook my head.

I met some, friendly people on this vacation I must say. Larry and Lori from Palm Springs offered the Word of God to me for comfort, confidence and strength upon hearing of my job loss one afternoon. They saw me eating by myself and asked me to join them. I really appreciated their encouraging words. Then the conversation took a turn when Larry had the nerve to try and suggest that I might make out OK trying to find a job because of affirmative action, since I'm a Black woman. I let him know that every job I have ever worked, I am always paid less than my equals and sometimes less than subordinates. It happens even if I have more experience and qualifications. He then said he was told to change his name to Leroy so he could get a job at an HBCU university. I told him my father was invited to see land to purchase in Florida and when we arrived and they saw that my father is Black, refused to take him to see the land. My father's name is LeRoy. Larry changed the subject after that.

On the van shuttle heading to Phoenix, was a guy who was on his way to China. He suggested that I look into training to be a court stenographer. He told all of us in the van that he could buy a full gear of Michael Jordan apparel for $20 dollars in China. The same would cost him $300 dollars in the USA. 

3/8/2005

I am finally home and what a flight.....

The flight was annoying because although I had an entire row to myself, these two jerks sitting behind me kept bumping my seat. I turned  around once and looked at the dumbass woman and she said she was sorry. Ugh! She was coughing all over the place and made me want to hold my breath for the entire flight from Phoenix. 

For a little while, it was smooth sailing but then suddenly, she's bumping my seat again. I'm thinking she must be crazy or something... worse than a kid. I turned around  and to my complete and utter shock, this jackass woman was sucking this guy's penis like there was no tomorrow! I could literally hear her sucking this guy off and his head thrown back and neither one saw me see them. He had his hand on the back of her head, bouncing it like a damn basketball. It felt like longer but after around 30 seconds I guess, did he notice me looking. It took me a few seconds to register what I was seeing because I was sleep, and her bumping the back of my seat woke me up ROFLOL OMG!  I was so damn mad and considered making a scene and calling a stewardess but the plane was dark and most folks sleep on the red eye flight. 

She popped up and I flipped back around in my seat, stunned. I was embarrassed and didn't even know why. They should be the embarrassed ones. I couldn't sleep after that. I tried. They were quiet. No more bumping of my seat for the rest of the flight. 

FTPs we are! Grateful and Blessed

 3/6/2005

I checked out of the Grand Canyon hotel and sat in the Maswick Lodge cafeteria eating half  of the salad I bought, thinking that I'd save the rest for later. I was reading the book I had just purchased... Over the Edge: Death in the Canyon. A guide who worked in the park told me to read it before I went on the Mule tour. I decided against that because I figured it might make me chicken out. 

As I sat there reading, I began to think, if I had courage enough, and enough faith to take a risky trip down into the canyon riding a mule, and have survived it... I am meant to be here! Thank you Lord! Granted, I shouldn't need to do something so drastic for confirmation! LOL!

I feel that I shouldn't preoccupy myself with worry about my job as I sat in reflection. I knew that I must keep that in mind. I felt sad that I actually thought, if I should tumble over and die at the canyon, at least I would be relieved of worry about how I am going to live once the job ends, which was a real possibility. Ahhhh the uncertainty. It's maddening. But for the courage to go through with this tour, and surviving the thrill and terror of it, I know I am blessed. At Plateau Point I even tripped stepping over a crevasse toward a cliff that dropped a couple thousand feet. I scared everyone. I didn't realize how unsteady I would be with the spacial strangeness of being at Plateau Point.  After that happened, I was glad to get back on the mule. 

I felt blessed and motivated! I felt optimistic and looked forward to the future. 

While at Bright Angel Lodge, I sat there, and looked out at the vast and spectacular view of the canyon. It was amazing to know that it was once an ocean. All the hues from the sun... I sat there realized how grateful, appreciative and blessed I am. It was truly beautiful and serene. 

My plan was to head over to the pool and swim a few laps and then soak in the whirlpool because my body ached from my hair ends to the tips of my toenails. I hate when I begin to over think, but I couldn't help but think about the fact that I had seen maybe 6 other Black people the entire time so far. The plight of being Black in the USA keeps me on guard and although I felt no threat, I still thought about 1968 when my parents took us to Miami Beach, FL, and all the white folks left the pool when we got in. Oh well. I decided to head to the pool anyway. 

As suspected, I was the only Black person there and the whirlpool was full. I'm kind of creeped out by the idea of being in a public hot tub anyway, so I decided against that. Man! I was really looking forward to relaxing my muscles in that warm water.

I did get in the pool which I feel is almost just as nasty crowded with people and their kids. I told myself that it's a bigger body of water so the germs are dispersed more LOL! The pool was huge though, and I figured it was big enough for me to be ignored. I found space on the far wall of the pool and swam a few laps... got out and felt good! Mission accomplished! A woman sitting on the side of the pool said "Wow. You really got your exercise". 

Later, another annoying thing I thought about was that I wanted to bring my Death in the Canyon book with me to dinner, but then realized I wanted to stop in the gift shop after dinner. I worried that I'd be accused of stealing my book. I decided I better carry my receipt. Then I thought about the book mark I bought, and that I need to find that receipt as well, and as I started looking for it in my room, I got disgusted about it and changed my mind about bringing the book to dinner with me. I brought one of my magazines instead. Ugh! Being Black in the USA means being born under a cloud of suspicion.

FTPs we are! Thrill replaces Panic

 3/5/2005

I woke up with a headache. I didn't sleep well, and I believe it's a combination of the time change and the terrible offer made by management of my job, and a crazy dream. I kept going over the offer and whether I should turn it down, or not, and whether turning it down will affect my severance.

I kept hearing noises while I tried to sleep in that gigantic Grand Canyon hotel room. It was so big, and dark in there, and I imagined that spirits were rattling the hangers near the door. I quickly put that out of my mind so that I didn't wind myself into terror. I knew I'd never get any sleep if I allowed myself to entertain that thought.

Then I had a crazy dream, that I was involved in training some people to take our jobs and while I was on site, my car was vandalized. Someone had torn holes into the trunk door. I was so mad I wanted to call the police immediately, but someone with me, urged me not to because we were in a hurry. So I decided I would file a report later. I was pissed off, but went along with this and throughout the dream, I was angry that I didn't call the police before moving my car. Someone familiar from years ago was in my dream... I hadn't thought about her in years. She was at my job along with other people I knew, and I was still angry about my car. And then... Mr. Grant, one of my 8th grade teachers appears and wants to know what we were all complaining about. I went on a tirade and told him that we are training people, someone vandalized my car and how wrong he is to expect me to be happy. I was about to cry in the dream, and suddenly saw my car and that it wasn't actual holes ripped through the trunk door, but holes in the paint.

And then I woke up. 

So yeah.... I woke up with a headache, looked over at the clock and finally it was 4:53 AM, a few minutes before my wake up call. I began to think that the headache could also be due to the high altitude and dryness of the air at the Grand Canyon. I am not acclimated to the Mountain Time Zone yet. I reflected on the fact that I got sick the night before, after eating a greasy hamburger and onion rings... half of it at the lodge restaurant, and then the other half, hours later, cold... in my room. I went back out, to the lodge after laying out  my clothes for the Mule trip into the canyon. I can't believe I wanted ice cream, but I headed out for it and some bottled water. It was early evening.... and I peaked into the bar area and thought about ordering a Mud Slide... but then decided against it... and went for the ice cream. That ice cream was the straw that broke the camel's back with my plumbing! I was so sick after piling that on top of the greasy hamburger and onion rings... threw up the projectile way too. No wonder I couldn't sleep now that I think about all this.

To be honest... I also might have a headache due to the anxiety I'm feeling about the Mule Trip into the canyon. I hate that one of the tour guides told me that the mules are trained to walk on the outside edge of the trail, so that people who are walking, can be against the canyon. People have fallen off, and the mules have better footing. OMG! 

                               Our tour ends at Plateau Point, 4000 feet down. Round trip was approximately 8 hours. 

Well... I'm going! I'm not going to chicken out now!!!!

                        At Plateau Point! We had lunch down here and rested the mules before heading back up to the rim.

I survived!!! It was the scariest, most exciting, most thrilling and challenging event I have ever participated in! Notable quotables from the wrangler....

"The mules think the world is one big bag of doritos"!

 He said this, because the mules would try to eat any treetop that peered up from the ledge, or down from cliffs above. Ugh! 

"Turn the mules toward the canyon by pulling the reigns hard to the right or left. Don't worry, they ain't going over. Once they're turned toward the canyon, Atilla the Hun and his entire army can't push him off".

This is how we let them rest. Peering over the cliffs.

I am saddle sore... my entire body aches after riding the mule for 8 hours. It was a muscular torment holding steady in the saddle while resisting the urge to lean away from the cliffs. My abs, legs, lower back, toenails hurt! It was definitely not an easy trip. Ice and snow was on the trail at the higher elevations. Rain caused deep mud after around 1000 feet down in some places on the trail. Then, the sun came out and we saw a magnificent rainbow beneath us!

The older German woman in our group said, "we must go through trouble or pain to see great things". 

She was absolutely right.

FTPs we are! Looking back... observations

(What is obvious to me is that I had no idea what hot flashes were in 2005 LOL! Still, I am amazed at folks who do not feel cold and knew a couple folks who never wore a coat in the winter. Anyway, although tainted, I had a great experience on this getaway.) 

3/3/2005

Something I will never understand, is the physical difference of folks who seemingly do not feel cold weather. I'm shocked and amazed that it's 23 degrees outside, and windy... and as I shivered standing in the kiosk of the economy lot of Newark Airport all bundled up, waiting for the shuttle, a white man steped into the kiosk with no hat, no coat, no gloves on. There I stood bundled up in faux fur hat pulled down over my ears, wool scarf wrapped around my face, insulated denim jacket and leather gloves. 

Meanwhile, there was that man, standing there with a pull over sweater and jeans on. He did have his hands in his pockets. But he appeared to only be chilled. I was completely puzzled by his ability to have no physical reaction, seemingly impervious to the windy, 23 degree weather. 

 Why do some people never feel cold?

And if that weren't shocking enough, in the airport, all scanned, searched and checked in... sitting at the gate and it's rather chilly since the doors leading to the jetways were open... I couldn't help but notice a woman sitting there with a light fleece jacket, cotton capri pants and flip-flops on her feet. I was trying to understand how someone woke up that morning and left their house in 23 degree weather with flip-flops on. There's something different about these folks.

Right after that, another woman walked up and sat down a few chairs away from me. She was closer to the windows and door that leads to the jetway. It was even colder over there. She had on a wool peacoat, cotton capri pants, no socks, loafers on her feet. How did she decide to leave her house like that? She pulled a pair of sweat pants out of her bag and wrapped them around the bare part of her legs. OK so she is able to feel cold. Wow!

Once I boarded the plane, I got comfortable because it was nice and toasty in there. This white man sitting in the aisle seat of my row complained that it was too hot. Boy oh boy!

3/4/2005

I'm on a ground shuttle from Flagstaff traveling to Williams, AZ after arriving in Phoenix. I am the only Black person on the shuttle, 3 White women and a rather large maybe Mexican or Native American in the back who looked rather scruffy with rotten teeth. 

As I took my seat on the shuttle, my phone rang and it was a co-worker. She let me know what the proposition was  that we were presented with, now that we've completed training our replacements. She said that we were being offered a job in Atlanta for 8 weeks and then we will be laid off 30 days after that. She told me that there was a possibility that they might keep one  person who accepts the assignment. We would have to fly to Atlanta every week and be on site by noon on Mondays, work 14 hour days, and then fly home on Thursday nights. 

I told her that it sounded like an abusive deal to me... 56 hours in 4 days for 8 weeks with a high probability of being laid off 30 days after that. Wow. And since we're salaried workers, there's no OT or anything like that. Ugh! I hung up feeling exasperated, and called my sister. 

Soon as I hung up, the snaggle-toothed guy in the back asked me if I were on my way to work. I looked around... and wondered if he thought that about the other women. I responded, 'no... I'm on vacation.' Then I asked him if there were jobs where we were headed LOL!

All the while I'm talking to my co-worker, and then my sister, I had no idea the shuttle driver was waiting for me to get off the phone. I felt kind of bad about that. He was very nice though. He wanted to tell me about some  places he recommended I should see. 

Grand Canyon Railway Hotel in Williams, AZ